Posted by: Zoe V | August 17, 2008

Qualities of Good Guys

Note to the reader: This is one of my very first blogs I wrote dating back to 2007. At the time I was a single woman and I had yet to meet the wonderful man in the picture below. His name is Mark and I am proud to say he possesses many of the characteristics described in this blog.

Proof that good guys DO exist. My honey Mark and I. <3

  

Men always wondered what women want in a guy. They seem to have hard time figuring us out probably because we keep sending them mixed messages. Deep down in our hearts, what women want is a Good Guy to date, develop a courtship and eventually marry some day. In case you wonder what constitutes a Good Guy, here is a list of the characteristics they often posses:

Good guys…

1. Are first and foremost, gentlemen. They are polite, respectful, considerate and attentive to a woman’s needs. They open the door, pull her chair, lend their coat, offer to escort her home, pay for the dinner and kiss her goodbye on the cheek not on the lips. Good guys never cross the line of being inappropriate.

2. Sense a quality woman from miles. They adjust their approach accordingly because they realize the first impression is the most lasting one. What works with 90 % of the women they met before may not work with the 10 % of quality women out there. Good guys have a keen sense for those special women.

3. Are not intimidated by strong women. Good guys are not threatened by women who speak their minds, have different opinions, show passion or the causes they believe in or perhaps, earn more money than them. They see strong women as a gift to society because they are the ones who have the power to change things for the better.

4. Never EVER use cheese lines or compliments to approach a woman. The chances are she already knows she’s attractive and has heard it a million of times. Good guys don’t compliment physical attributes. They compliment woman’s mind…her intellect…or better yet…her soul!

5. They know that to keep a woman around, they have to stimulate ALL of her senses – physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual. Good guys can satisfy a woman’s needs in every aspect of life and beyond.

6. Don’t ever rush physical intimacy. They understand the specialness of the act and prefer to invest in building the emotional and spiritual connections first. Once those two are established, the sexual connection will blow both of their minds away!

7. Make love to a woman’s soul at the same time as her body. Merging with her soul is their ultimate goal…not just a mere orgasm.

8. Are supportive to woman’s personal and career goals. They understand the importance of individual growth outside the relationship realm. Good guys see their woman’s success as their own success. Therefore, they prefer to encourage her to move forward as opposed to oppress her desires for expansion.

9. Write cards, send text messages, buy flowers and cook dinners for a woman as an act of thoughtfulness. Good guys don’t need an occasion to express their love. They just do it spontaneously.

10. Keep their word. If they promised to call, stop by, take you out or do anything else, they stick to their promise. If they are unable to fulfill their promise, good guys have a sensible explanation…not a lame excuse.

11. Are not jealous. Good guys don’t require for a woman to check with them every single hour, to give them detailed reports on who she’s speaking to on the phone, to document every one of her activities or to follow everywhere she goes. They are secure enough in themselves to need a constant reaffirmation of the status of their relationship.

12. Are a woman’s best friend! They know that to have a lasting relationship and consequently a lasting marriage, they have to build a solid base first…which is the friendship. Good guys are a woman’s Allie not her enemy in this crazy world.

13. Are in touch with their romantic side. They are not afraid to express their emotions, talk about their feelings, show their interest and do it in the most romantic ways possible. Good guys can make a woman’s heart melt from miles away just by opening their romantic side and letting the love flow.

14. Have achieved a balance in their lives on their own. Good guys have invested enough time in all aspects in their development – family, education, career, health, hobbies, interests and sports. They are happy with who they are and are satisfied with their lives.

15. Will find time and place for you no matter how busy and crazy their schedule may be. Good guys never use the excuse, “Sorry, but I was busy with work.” If they want to be with you, they will move mountains, sail oceans, cross continents, fly countries and do anything they can to be with their special woman.

16. Don’t use past relationship disappointments as excuses to why they don’t want to commit to a woman. What happened in the past, stays there. What’s important is the here and the now…and that is YOU!

17. Are funny, goofy and spontaneous. They can put a smile on your face and make you laugh without any effort. They can play goofy games with you without being immature. They can drop everything and take a road trip with you just because. The best memories are created in the spur of the moment and good guys are aware of that.

18. See their woman as the most beautiful, glorious, magnificent and unique woman in the entire Universe! Other beautiful women may catch a good guy’s eye but his heart and soul belong to her!

19. Love animals. They either own one or they just melt when they are around your puppy, your mother’s kitten or your friend’s bunny rabbit. Good guys who love animals show they are compassionate, loving, caring and considerate of other live beings in the world. That also means they will make awesome dads some day.

20. Have no ego. Good guys are humble guys. They don’t need to beat themselves in the chest to show they are better, stronger, smarter, more successful or more handsome than other men. The ego is the enemy of good guys and they usually have it under control.

© 2007 Zoe Vaklinova – All Rights Reserved

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Responses

  1. right!

  2. My man fits every single catagory perfectly.. I was so shocked when I read them and realized he is all of them 100%

    Tina+Bryan<3

  3. Hi there,

    I love your list. How many times do we women SAY that we want a certain kind of man and yet are we really sure about exactly what it is we DO want in a man.

    Your list is filled with wisdom and compassion and high hopes. I believe that when we get really sure about what it is we don’t want in a partner, it is the fuel we need to figure out what we do want!

    I am glad you have met someone who is the kind of man who is a perfect fit for you! Congrats!!

    Catherine

    http://HowToMakeYourManPerfect.wordpress.com

  4. as a guy, i really apreciate your work spending time make that list by your own experience. truly i dont have most criteria that you listed above. but, i am lucky to know what things that women really want from men. so i can learn by now. maybe i am not a super high quality good guy, but that list could be something that i should apply in my relationship with women. thank you for sharing, i’ll keep it as my guidance! visit my blog anytime. thanks

  5. Sounds like the description of a robot

  6. Great list! My husband possesses most of those things..he could do better on the flowers, texting stuff…but mostly he is a great guy and I love him to peices!

  7. To David:

    You have an interesting take. So you are basically saying that men like the one I described must be robots because they don’t exist? Then me and the other ladies that wrote above must be dating robots.

    Good guys and good girls DO EXIST! You just have to stop allowing the bad ones to abuse your heart.

    ~ Zoe

  8. i like this, because my girlfriend said im all thoes things and MORE!, nice,
    there are still gentlemen around, but not many of us! certanly not a robot!!, oh and my spelling is poor! i know!

    peace x

  9. That’s what the talking about THANK YOU LORD someone who reallllllly apprecatied a good man, butnI need to print that list off see which ones I got down. Now I feel like holding on, and also show that list to any female who gots yea GOTS a problem with a nice guy being a nice guy just print this off and hit ‘em wit it well not physically, but you know what I mean.

  10. This list is awesome. It is exactly what I look for and is so eloquently written. Thank you for transferring thougths to paper. Seeing it in written form makes avoid the jerks much easier!

  11. My man displays all of these attributes! :-)

  12. Hi.. David
    Ya sure its sound like robot but its true in resulting world people may accept the thing instantaneously but they does not aware the realistic the things for long term relationship its too right for better relationship for long lifer than accepting it for short term .
    I agree with psuvolleygirl a soft hearted women , she understand better forever relationship than us .
    I also agree with your views its depends upon person to person how much people they face in their life for surviving own life ..

    Vivek

  13. A guy with no ego isn’t a good guy. Everyone needs some sort of ego. There’s a difference between being humble and having no ego. One should recognize what they are good at and they should feel good about it. That’s having a healthy ego. One should also avoid being arrogant and be courteous and respectful. That is being humble. A good guy is humble and has a healthy ego.

  14. I agree with Elizabeth in that not only should a man have an ego but act like a man and not a woman. Women may think that they want to date a guy who acts like a woman but when it comes down to it, they are really attracted to a man who acts like a man,- strong sense of ego, forward-moving, action-oriented, active (physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually), probing/piercing…these are all male qualities…regardless of any intellectual judgment of whether they are “good” or “bad”…they are beyond moral consideration…that is just what males of their species act like…now there are some males of the human species who have been conditioned to think that taking on certain female qualities makes them more “acceptable” by women…I would even venture to say a lot of times a woman doesn’t even know what she wants (that’s not to say that she doesn’t know what she does NOT want) and that it takes a guy who can show her more than she can expect or imagine to REALLY woo her

    This is not intended to offend women who are happy with their “tamed” men but to simply offer an alternative to women’s “wish list” for what they want in a man…because it is the man’s job to be in touch with being a man and not have it dictated by society or their mother…but to discover and learn it from other men who are in touch with it…then, they will be able to have any woman they want who is open to real masculinity (and not waiting for a watered-down feminized version of a male)

  15. We are certainly allowed to have our difference in preference in the opposite sex, Alex. I wouldn’t call my list a “watered-down version of a male” though. I’ve met MANY men when I was dating and the true men who stood out from the rest possessed all or most of the qualities described above. Real men (or good guys) do not need to be confused with ego-less or feminine men. Nor do they need to be compared to egocentric, selfish womanizers. They stand in a category of their own. :-)

  16. Wow!im blesd my man has ol e characteristics.il neva want 2 liv him.i nw realis he is the best

  17. Alex, you must also realize that many of the qualities that make a man “masculine” and make a woman “feminine” are attributes CREATED BY SOCIETY.

    Yes, men and women have different hormone levels, amongst other biological differences. We are not the same in certain respects. But you can’t simply ignore the fact that gender norms are constructed by religion, media, tradition, and social conditioning from the time we are born (“pink is for girls, blue is for boys. And that’s just the way it is.”).

  18. I have read all the comments above and agree with the ideas behind all of them but #14 and #15 may “be in degrees” … a Good Man Doesn’t Push for a Relationship when He Feels He Can’t Be 100 percent into a relationship and is Understandably Cautious. (yes, there is one or two up there about not rushing into the physical relationship, but a Woman is Prone to Change her mind… Why can’t a Man Be Cautious too?)

  19. i luv ur piece nd all d response. i was researching to boarden my knowledge so i can put down a book on ‘your choice of a man’ wen i came accross ur piece, good work.

  20. I enjoyed this post and reading the work. However I wish for the opposite take as well, What are the top 20 qualities of Good Women?

  21. The man I am in LOVE with only fits 3. Thats why he is my ex. The break up is still fresh and the LOVE on my side is still there. But I must move on.

  22. WOW! Thanks for the “Good Man” list…after a year and a half of being with some jerk..I have found the above description. Listen to Areosmith’s “Amazing”…so true..one does finaly see the light!

  23. this is a great discription of the perfect guy, but is very wrong in many aspects. i have tried the nice guy routine, with the flowers,chocolate, and opening the door what i found out is i should have just walked up to the girl with a handfull of flowers and said “hi im a fag and want to be put in the freind zone” all guys hate the freind zone and thats were nice guys go, everyone knows assholes finish first, i wish it was nice guys that get the girl but they always want the bad boy.

  24. Mines doesn’t hold MOST of the qualities……guess its time for a new one…cant change them can you! :-{

  25. My man doesn’t have any of those qualities i just want Gods’ intervension

  26. Im totally blown, I Pray to God that this kind of man i may find because what we see this days is totally out of line, As a single lady i will at al times keep my preferances high, THANX

  27. My man doesn’t do nothing but hang with his friend everyday. He say they be hunting but they don’t. Just be hanging out drinking. He gets up every morning getting in touch with the guys to leave and stay gone all day until night. This have been and every day thing I don’t know what to do can anybody give me any advice?

  28. Dear Mr. Alex,

    Whatever Ms. Zoe mentioned in this article, are purified. That does not mean a man has all good qualites. As far as I concerned 2 to 3 qualities have under a man then an women will be lived happly with her men.

    I don’t have experience in love with a girl. but I believe in todays the the girls like professionalist mans in her life.

  29. If you do this, your girl leaves you for an asshole who treat her ‘right’…
    Be the MAN, protective, strong, be a bad ass when there is a situation…
    When girls(good n bad) find a guy with this long list of qualities, they keep them in friend zone….
    You sure don’t wanna be in friendzone(which is worse than being her cat)….
    LIKE A SIR…

  30. Speaking as a man who actually sees myself in most of your list, I am now also old enough to realize two things:

    1) Our disappointments in life have more to do with unrealistic expectations we place on others, not in any actual deficiencies in the other person. It seems here that to create a list of perfect attributes

    2) You seem to desire very feminine qualities in men? This has long been a frustration for men. We don’t think like women or feel like women, and it is in those DIFFERENCES that we find women so amazing and enjoyable (and sometimes, frustrating). Do you really want a man who thinks like you? I enjoy animals, for example, but do I “melt” at someone’s puppy? No. Do I want to be my wife’s best friend? Yes. Her girlfriend? Not on your life.

    While most of the qualities you list are excellent and admirable, I wonder if setting up this perfect man scenario is one of the reasons so many relationships fail. These standards seem, in all honestly, an impossibly high bar to reach, and even if the man does so, they would render a man something other than authentically male. I read these and visualize Justin Bieber. I think a lot of men, especially passive-aggressive ones, can fake this kind of softness for a while, but they will at some point lash out. We are what we are.

    Where on your list is achievement, intelligence, valor, humor, self-sufficiency, competitiveness, protectiveness of those he loves?

  31. Now that’s the kind of man who could win my heart!

  32. U have really given me what i wanted

  33. I’m sorry. I used to fit all those qualities. And my exes cheated on me with the jerk. After a while, about 3 of them wanted me back. But sad part is I became a badass n there’s no turning back. Comin to think of it, when I look at that list today, it reads “gay” and “friendzone”. A man must be macho, rough, arrogant n not give a flyin saucer what a woman thinks of him. Besides, if a girl doesn’t like me, her friends WILL.

  34. I luv evritin, u’ve writen above. My guy has 100% of al de qualities listed above. I’m proud 2b wit him, he is my best friend.

  35. This good guy sounds like a fucking puppet

  36. yawn. he makes love to her soul? compliments her mind? have no ego? love animals, melts around puppy? funniest list i’ve ever seen. you should add 21. tells you he’s gay…eventually

  37. ah! i’m in love with these qualities already!! it takes time, growth and maturity for a man to acquire these qualities. but when he does, its a miracle!!! and its soooo wonderful and refreshing to know that men can have these and so much more, if they want to. they just need to feel the need to be better men :)

  38. You can tell this was definetly written by a women I tell you that much… Most women wrote these cheesy as lists because thu wish their own man would do these things…truth is I you want your man to do somethig talk to him about it don’t just wish he could posses these qualities…and if you really want men to have these qualities ou have to teach them as boys to be everything a woman wants because as a man he’s already hard wired into thinking what he wants

  39. Goodness! I am a good guy! :) thanks a million Zoe!

  40. [...] good guy to a lady, please click here, for an article about the top qualities of a good guy, please click here and for a news item that shows us how we come across this word in our daily news, please click [...]

  41. I do have most of those qualities, but It’s been five years I’m married and feel depressed and exploited, not just by my family and friends, but at my job as well (wich I’ve left recently). I have no ambitions and feel happy at home, but feels like the world is going to devour me… Is it right to be as good as I can, as gentle, kind, caring as I can, so the others just try to take advantage of me because they think I’m weak or gay? What to do not to become a jerk? Being sensitive is keeping me from move on, though my wife is loyal and sweet.

  42. very good !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  43. Zoe Vaklinova, could I ask where you got the information about it? We need to cite the reference about it. Don’t worry, we will also cite your blog. But, we might need your reference in here. We badly need it for our study because we got our basis here about the qualities of a good guy. Our deadline about it is already next week. I hope you can reply as soon as possible. Thanks.

  44. Zed – not sure what you are asking. This blog is an original work written by me. There is no references to site. If you would like to use it in a study, please email me more information at greenmomzoe@gmail.com. Before you publish, you would need my permission.

  45. Wow, this is amazing really!

  46. These list may seem some kind of robotic task to most of the men..bt those who value women,those who knw hw to mak love,will appreciate this things..its nt that a boy will only follow these rules as listed above..Bt at least jst try..it may nt be as persect as the list,bt a women cn sense that he has heart full of love for her..

  47. The maternal influences in my life raised me to be the man you describe. Now 34 years old, I have been in many relationships. The women I dated loved all I did for them, and their families loved me most.

    Sadly though, no matter how good the girl I was with, she always ended up cheating eventually. Thirty-four years, and twice engaged, I have come to realize this model of man is not compatible with any woman.

    The man you describe lacks passion, desire, mystery, and the need to be completed by another person. You’ve described the perfect vessel to give you whatever you want, but at the same time needing nothing from you other than your existence.

    Finally after so many failed relationships, I’ve learned that the woman in your life needs to be needed. Along with the core needs of a relationship, she also needs imperfection, desire, passion, and mystery. And don’t forget, even though soul-touching love making is important; passionate, primal, mind-blowing sex is needed too.

    Since learning my lessons, I’ve entered a wonderful long-term relationship. I never realized that something so good could be so easy, and require so little effort.

  48. I couldn’t agree more! Here’s another blog that sheds some light on this topic…..http://www.psychalive.org/2009/11/seven-qualities-of-an-ideal-partner/

  49. Hahaha! that’s really nice.but I am a nice guy?

  50. nice, very very correct. nice right ups

  51. This ȋ̝̊̅§ really great… ℓ̊ wish τ̅☺ possess all these great qualities though ℓ̊ possess some. Pls could Y̶̲̥̅̊o̶̲̥̅̊и̣̣̣̣̥ always send τ̅☺ my mailbox qualities ø̶̷̩̥̊͡ƒ̶̷̩̥̊͡ a responsible young man. Keep up the good work.

  52. sure sure, have a guy that do all the bullshit you want! Lincoln ended slavery in 1864 you know?

  53. Thx,my man is perfect

  54. Nice list, takes a woman with wisdom to state them so clearly. There is a few more that can be added and some point are more important than others.

    People truly like that are rare. One dated very selectively, only 2 girls–because he didn’t believe in dating someone he didn’t intend to marry, and never went beyond kissing. The first one rejected him, the second one married him. Happily married ever since. His father from whom he inherited these traits married the first girl he dated. The mother still acts like a little girl–proving that a truly happy woman will keep her childlike innocence.

    Guys like this exists, snatch them up.

  55. Really its nice and expensive. By applying these thoughs we can improve verious things of us. Thank you.

  56. oh it is realy nice discripition.

  57. I really love this post. Umm…I think it would be great if you also did one for “good girls”. No need to but I’d love to see your list.

  58. thats so interesting because i have boy friend who is always try to defeat me in every aspect instead of support me .

  59. Some of these qualities are awesome. Many of them describe some sort of whipped puppies though. Or more likely half of the man that he’s willing to show you, while he’s off with his friends he can really be himself though. As soon as I read number 2 I realized that this was going downhill and becoming some feminine idyllic fantastical wish list.

  60. It is good one. Good guys do kisses on lips and do have physical attraction.

  61. Is good to be a good guy no matter what.

  62. last one is so amazing, infact i luv it all.

  63. This is such an amazing article. Thanks so much for relating it to us, I really enjoyed reading it, and it rung true in my heart. The man I am looking at to hopefully date, and we are quite keen on each other, has all of these qualities, except hte last one, in that i believe he has a healthy ego, and not the idea of the ego exspressed here. He values his contribution to life and family and has strong morals as well as great qualities, he also knows all this, yet he is mature enough to recognise if his ego gets out of hand or becomes a double standard. I do not feel a healthy ego is a problem just the use of that ego on other people and ones self. I am not rationalising his ego, but I believe a good man should have a strong ego- having lived and married in the past for 5 years with a man who didnt have a strong ego, or sense of self, but pretended too, i am an acutely aware of the false ego, or pretend ego, or actually no ego at all. I think a healthy ego is actually quite important- and i disagree with the “no ego” comment. Though I do agree he should have te ability ot laugh at his own ego, or problems, rather than self-abase himself with no ego. A good man needs to know hes agood man, and also that its ok to be that good man, and also to be appreciated by a good woman! It goes a long way for a woman to recognise the traits of a good man and to appreciate him, with a touch on the shoulder, a stroke on the cheek, and a thoughtful compliment on his ability to have a healthy ego- Goodness knows agood man will need it in this world that favors bad men over good men in media, and just out a recession where it could have been many rejections on a mans talents/livelyhood and sense of self.

  64. A friend of mine has been telling me I’m a good guy for months now and I could never figure out the context she was using the term in that is until I found this list…. Hmmm fits pretty good if I must say so myself…. My wife thinks this way to. Their both right – that’s why my freind is only a freind and my bride is well, you get it. Thanks for a solid definition.

  65. Why do we crave a GOOD in sombody to be our choice? zat is very aufull being seen as a looser while we are in duty for searching ideal man or Women. That the first glanse is enaugh to b atracted or distracted by the forefront me/wmen. the rest qualitise r reserved for any body as DEFAULT that he / she can accept as it is or change as necessarly.

  66. Ok so reading this has made me realise what went wrong with past boyfriends and possibly why I’m still single especially the ego bit! All my past boyfriends have been immature and unhappy with themselves always trying to proove themselves, didnt have good relationships with their mums or family and were not respectful or polite! Great advice I am now looking for a more mature man who puts effort into all aspects of his life is balanced and most of all has respect regardless of whether he looks like Tom cruise!


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